Dear Sir,
Violence against women exists because a minority think it’s acceptable and a majority who think it’s none of their business.
Violence destroys lives and you don’t need to be an expert to know the effects can be catastrophic and create a culture where the use of violence is not only acceptable but also expected and a legitimate means of dealing with any situation. Regardless of the circumstances, if abuse goes unchallenged we are condoning it and in effect saying it’s okay, in doing so we condemn generations to come through our legacy of apathy and indifference.
My own grandfather was a brutal man who used his size and strength to beat men, women and children in equal measure. He would beat his own mother to such an extent she would be unable to see for days because her face was so battered and bruised she was unable to open her eyes. My grandmother, a tiny woman, fared no better, and even when they were both elderly he would still beat her on a regular basis. My mother, witnessing such brutality on a regular basis, became conditioned and desensitised to this brutality and developed a violent personality of her own and found expression through the manic depression and personality disorder that went with it. Her own violent personality towards her own children became an open family secret and simply accepted as a fact of life.
A different time with different attitudes and different values we today would find difficult if not impossible to accept, but apathy and indifference can destroy lives and if allowed to go unchallenged are condoned and approved by our silence and willingness to look the other way, a legacy of complicity for generations to come. The violence I witnessed and experienced robbed me of my childhood but taught me a very hard lesson in life, silence and indifference will always favour and support the abuser, never their victim. In many ways I was one of the lucky ones I survived and was able to turn my life experience into a life purpose helping others deal with their own trauma and abuse.
Abuse ends and scars heal but mental and emotional pain can last a lifetime. Personally the deepest hurt came not from the abuse itself, but from the knowledge those who should have cared simply looked the other way.
Phillip Hawkins
