Dear Hoomans,
I have been a resident of Aycliffe for seven years, and I would like to express me appreciation for all the green open spaces provided for me and my furry comrades.
I spend me evenings lying on me bed next to the recycling box in the kitchen, listening to Aycliffe Radio which ‘herself’ leaves on for the company, and I often drag the latest copy of the Newton News from the box and catch up with local going on’s.
As a dog with his nose on the button of current affairs, I have taken a specific interest in the issues which affect me and me animal friends, and to be frank, it’s depressing. Sometimes I’ve been quite put off me dinner.
It seems that the pack leaders of this country have been doing unspeakable acts against us animals. Despite all the scientific evidence being against it, these ‘Tories’ have continued to roll out the cruel and unnecessary Badger ‘cull’ across the UK. These symbolic icons of British identity are being slaughtered, with some experts saying, if it continues, Badgers will become extinct in our countryside!
Although illegal, the laws are so lax that hunting with hounds is still being practiced across our county. I’m all for chasing the odd squirrel up a tree, but there are limits to what is a bit of fun, compared to the cruelty and violence of a hunting pack!
And then, this week, I discovered that animals are being used to experiment on! Even though there are other more effective ways of testing medicines!
And then… then… I discover the very leader himself, a man called ‘Boris’ thinks bullfighting is a good thing!
I’ve been so despondent over these things, I almost lost me faith in the goodness of hooman beens and took to chewing me paws. But then ‘herself’ who is into the Polotixs, told me there was hope.
Apparently, hoomans can change their pack leaders, through something called ‘voting’. She said that there is another group of hoomans that are called ‘The Labour Party’ and if enough hoomans vote for them they will stop the Badger cull, strengthen the hunting bill and phase out animal testing. Apparently, they will also ban trophy hunting and increase sentencing for people who abuse animals. In fact, ‘herself’ showed me the long comprehensive list of changes Labour would make to protect both wild and domestic animals in the UK, on the puter, at labour.org.uk.
I now feel much more hopeful, I have me appetite back and have stopped chewing me paw’s, because I have faith in the best of hooman nature and trust them to make the right voting decision for those that, unlike me, are unable to speak for themselves. So please vote Labour to protect your furry friends.
Also, while I’m here…what’s with the obsession with putting our poop into little bags? Is it worth money?
Mr Teddy Walter Moon.
(Dog of this parish, address supplied)
